Alright, settle down die-hard Twi-Hards. Only some disrespect was supposed to be inferred from the blog title.
(On a completely related side-note, I recently read that we should #calmdown with our overuse of #hashtags – which I #completelydisagree with – and I think Germany would agree, as there is a WHOLE BUTTON dedicated to the #hashtag on my #German-kezboard, unlike mein Englisch-kezboard, where zou have to push SHIFT 3 — I don’t know the word for ‘kezboard’ in Deutsch – #Dammit, I keep forgetting the German kezboard also has letters in different places. #Germanz-please-put-the-y-and-z-kez-where -thez-belong-because-I-use-the-letter-z-I-mean-y-a-lot-Danke).
I know, I know. When in Berlin…
(On another completely related side-note, the reason I have a new computer is because we had to buy a new computer because our screen got smashed on one side during the move here. It might’ve had to do with this situation:
But it’s hard to tell from the photo. Here’s one that more aptly depicts myBaggageSituation.
We had to actually buy another bag at the airport + luggage strap. Actually, mySpouse bought two bags, thinking that we were in truly serious trouble, but because we are amazing re-packers, we returned one. And somehow, our computer screen still got smashed.)
So, upon arriving to Berlin, me, sleep-deprived because movies are free on this seven-hour, overnight flight, we rent a car. Here is a picture of that:
This looks crazy. It is. I own it. And we are a dazed couple (okay, just me, see above ‘FREE MOVIES’) who only have this car rental for the day to do the errands of a small village.
Translation: we have to go to IKEA and BAUMARKT and one does not simply go to IKEA and BAUMARKT without a car. (BAUMARKT is like Home Depot; IKEA is like IKEA.)
After plugging in our address to the navigation system in the car, we are off to a good start:
Oh wait! Twilight review! Uh, SPOILER ALERT. No one dies. Bella and Edward get married, have child. Bella almost dies during childbirth, but then is changed into a vampire. Yes. Finally Book 4. Jacob ends up ‘imprinting’ on their child – meaning, if the child ever grows up, because she is half human, half vampire, she will-be/is his soul-mate. Right now, he is her protector.
Just sayin’ we coulda just had his heart break and maybe he moves on to another werewolf or person. You know, like real-life teen drama.
Also, Jacob not a werewolf, but a shape-shifter. Could’ve easily changed into a bear. Or a hamster. I guess it would’ve been a very different story though.
In the end, there is huge standoff between the powerful Italian vampires (who actually scare me) and the vampires in Forks, who have hustled to find other vampires to ‘witness’ to the Italians that Edward and Bella’s child is not immortal – which is a very, very, very bad thing. The Italian vampires try to start a fight anyway, but can’t get the vampires in Forks to fall for their trickery, and, in the end Jacob goes to his house, and Bella and Edward go to theirs where they kiss forever.
I should also mention a lot of other things happen. This is definitely the poorest review you will find on the interweb. I own this as well. Also, you should read the books.**
*Germany hack: American quarters will work in the Smartkart and Canadian quarters will work in the locked grocery carts. Please let me be clear. I only did this out of pure panic that I would have to carry 12 suitcases to the car and €200 worth of groceries in my arms. I now carry a dedicated €1 for these things.
**While flying to Washington – just a bit ironic, no? – to visit our families before we left for Berlin, I took the final, 2 and 1/4 inch thick, Book 4 on the plane, to try to finish it so I wouldn’t have to take its heft to Berlin. It has a picture of a chess piece on it.
Mid-flight, I went to use the restroom, and when I got back, the lady sitting next to me confessed she thought I was reading a massive tome on how to play chess.
Look! I finally finished Twilight!
Look! We moved to Berlin and only broke our computer!
Look! Did I mention I finally finished Twilight?!?!? Yeah!!
Tags: #hashtag, worst.Twilight.review.EVER., I own that, We moved to Berlin!, Berlin-ist-sehr-schön, IKEA, BAUMARKT, kezboards, #Germanyhack